And so it is

Shortly after 11am today, I was informed that The Globe and Mail will not be offering me my old job. 
It was, they said, purely a matter of paperwork. They felt they could not rightly address the visa paperwork required, nor soundly argue a Canadian couldn't do the job. Thus, my future is entirely open.


Four hours later, it hit me. Ten years of effort, in six cities, for five newspapers, has come to this. I've been dumped.

I look at my Walkley on the mantel and think back to all those stories, to all those people and lives, the murk of courtrooms, the frustration of politics, the heartache of trying to do the world justice. So much poured into it, and this is where I end up?


I know I should see it as an opportunity: to create something better; to reapply at the paper once my residency arrives; to build a life of my choosing. I should harness the discipline and drive that has helped me start and restart and restart my life over and over, as I built what I thought was a career to make a life around.


But the honest truth is, I'm tired. I'm tired of everything this job has demanded of me, with so little -- lately -- in return. This game here, it's not one I want to play any more.


It's not procrastination that has me so meek and homely of late.
I've lost the will to fight.